One of the greatest struggles and challenges I have had to deal with during the last few years has been panic and anxiety attacks. The attacks were originally caused by a traumatic experience in my life which led to PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. For any one who has had or experiences panic attacks you know how terrifying they are! You feel like you can't breath, like you are going to pass out, like you are loosing control, your heart races, you fear its a heart attack, your palms get sweaty and no matter what you do for those minutes you can not calm down. All of the breathing techniques and tips and articles that you have read seem meaningless when you are in the midst of an attack. Panic attacks can last from a couple minutes to 30 minutes but the effects of the attack are felt for a long time.

The strange thing about panic attacks and what often makes it hard for people who have never had them to understand is that the attacks seldom happen when you are in the frightening situation. The attacks occur mostly when you are simply walking down the road enjoying a nice sunny day, in a mall or grocery store, at the post office, in the car, sitting at your desk at work, or at home. Basically from what I have read and understanabout attacks and why they happen during 'non-stressful' times is that it is like the brain malfunctions in that it is always on alert and its almost to me like a faulty switch in that it triggers a sense of panic and fear when really there is no fear around you at that time. When you brain begins to function in this way it is a very difficult process to get it to stop. Basically the brain has to be reprogrammed again to not have that heightened sense of fear that triggers the attacks. This is not a simple process and for many people the attacks never completely go away. Its something you learn to control and manage with techniques and tips. But it is a daily battle.

Today as I was reflecting on the past few years and my continuing battle with panic and anxiety attacks I found myself reflecting on the many times when the Lord 'carried' me. I thought of the verse which says 'the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night' - Psalm 121:6. I don't really know why that verse stood out to me today but I know that the Lord used that verse today to remind me that whether I am awake or asleep he is always with me. I was reminded of the many times when I truly felt like I could not possibly make one more step, when the attacks were so bad that I was left in frustration and tears. The Lord was with me. His hand held me fast. In the midst of my pain, my struggles, and my fears He has been there every moment. I can honestly say I do not know how I would have made it through the past years without His continued presence in my life.

I continue to pray for healing that the Lord will heal me of these panic attacks and remove this fear and anxiety from me. But until He heals me I have the assurance of knowing that I am not alone, that He is with me, and that no matter the struggle I face He is right there giving me the strength to get through it.