God's Plans...

Over the past days I have been giving much thought to God's Will, Purpose and Plan for my life.
This is not a new topic, it is something I have often thought about and struggled with ever since my days in University.

Every child has dreams and plans of what that want to be when they grow up... usually as children the answers include a teacher, nurse, fire fighter, policeman/woman, lawyer, doctor and the list goes on... As a child I had two dream jobs one was to be a Lawyer and the other was to own my own NHL team :D. Unfortunately neither of those came to be!!

As I have been dealing with my panic attacks over the past months I once again have been giving a lot of thought to my career goals, dreams, and future... With those thoughts come many questions such as; Am I doing what the Lord wants me to do with my life? Is my chosen field of work what God sees for me? Am I fulfilled in Ministry? Am I truly content or am I so content that I have stopped listening to God's leading?? These are questions which only the Lord and I can answer.

As I was doing my daily Devotions I came across this interesting question:
Are you holding on tightly to some best-laid plans that God is nudging you to let go of? Trust him, lean back and enjoy the ride.

That's the question I am asking myself tonite and maybe its a question you need to ask yourself as well? I don't know the answer to that only you and God can know the answer. I pray that you too will be open to His leading in your life.

That I Might Live....

I am one of those people who finds inspiration at what may seem to be the strangest times! Today is a great example of this... I was watching a lunch time TV program that mom and I enjoy and in the show a man had died while rescuing a teenage boy who had fallen through the ice. The 'haha lightbulb moment' for me was when the mom was explaning to her son that the man had died and she said 'He died so that you could have life. He was willing to risk his live to save yours.' Immediately in my mind I thought you know that is what Jesus did for me. He died so that I could have LIFE. He didnt freeze to death in a lake. He died on a cruel rugged cross for my sins so that I could have LIFE - Eternal Life. When he bowed His head and died on that Good Friday He died so that I could live... not live in the physical body but live spiritually. Today I am so thankful that Jesus was willing to die for me... that he was willing to lay down his life so that my sins could be forgiven. He died so that one day I can live with Him forever in heaven! Now that's what I call being rescued!!

Heart Check

Tonight I had the opportunity via the internet to watch the morning service from Springdale Corps. As I listened to Major Doreen's message about having a Heart Check, I found myself examining my own heart. Of course the heart she was talking about was the 'spiritual' heart. One of the verses she made reference to which really caught my attention was 2 Cor. 10:5 'Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.' As I reflected on this verse I thought to myself 'how many of my thoughts are Christ-like? How many of my thoughts are truly 'under the spirit's control'? It is SO EASY when in a case like mine faced with panic attacks and days filled with often more questions than answers to feel overwhelmed, to feel a sense of 'no one understands', a sense of how much more can I take??

As I reflected on all this I realized some important truths...
No matter the panic attacks, no matter how rough the day may be I am NEVER ALONE. The Lord is with me.
Some things in this life I can not control. I can not control how others treat me... and sometimes their treatment will be cruel and harsh and cause me a lot of pain. But I will not be overcome by this... I will not be overcome by evil but will overcome evil with good.

I can not change these nasty people that treat me wrong but I can choose to rise above this by placing my every thought and feeling before the Lord and allowing Him to heal me. Allow Him to restore me and to be able to face each day not in my strength but in His strength.
Tonight the Joy of the Lord is my strength. He is my rock, my fortress... He is my salvation!

Tonite I have examined my heart... I pray that during this month of February that is often known as 'Heart Month' that you will examine your heart as well.
Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

One of my favorite choruses says:

Jesus I long to be like you
loving in every way
Jesus I need to be like you
Please hear me as I pray.
You are my pattern for living
Your way of life is my goal
Patient and kind and forgiving
Under the Spirit's control
Transform my life from within Lord
Come and my heart refine
You are my pattern for living
Give me a heart like thine.

Cardboard Testimonies

While looking at my Facebook friends profiles today I came across a very interesting link cakked 'Cardboard Testimonies'. I will include the link at the end of the blog so that you can see it as well. Simply put each person on the video on one side of a piece of cardborad had written something about their life 'before becoming a born again Christian' and then on the other side of the cardboard something about their life since becoming a born again Christian... The words on each piece of cardboard were powerful testimonies to the saving and life-changing difference that Jesus has made in each of their lives.

As I looked at each of the cardboard testimonies I couldn't help but think, "What is my cardboard testimony? and What is the cardboard testimony of my family members and friends?" Each of us who are born again believers in Jesus have a 'cardboard testimony'.
As you look at like video think about what your cardboard testimony is and if you want leave a comment on my blog and share your cardboard testimony with me.

Here is the link for the video...
http://www.rhchurch.org/pages/cardboard-testimonies/

An Historic Day

Today has been refered to many times as an historic day. As a Canadian I sat with my eyes transfixed on the TV screen watching as the first African American - Barack Obama was inaugurated as the 44th President of the United States of America. In his first address to the people as President he spoke much about change and how change can not just come from him and the White House but that change must come from the people of America. I watched as literally millions of people gathered in Washington today and hung on his every word. Watching history unfold before my eyes... Something to be able to tell future generations - I remember where I was on January 20, 2009. Yes today was an historic day. A day of hope, a day of change, a day of excitement.

As we look ahead on this great day to the days, weeks, months and years to come may we each remember the importance of this day... And may God Bless President Barack Obama!

Storms

The past few days here in Wesleyville we have been experiencing some very cold temps and high winds. Now some people may think its kinda corny but whenever I am out trying to walk in high winds I can't help but think about the many inward storms I face. I know what its like to be 'tossed about' by this world. I have seen first hand how satan can use Christians to destroy (or at the very least attempt to destroy) other people's faith and their walk with God. I have seen how satan attacks the workplace and uses people there to destroy another's mental well-being. Those are just 2 of many example I could name.

Very few people want to admit or believe that satan is a force in this world. People have become so busy with their lives of hobbies, leisure and work that spiritual matters have taken a 'back seat'.
But whether we choose to believe it or not satan is very much at work in our homes, schools, workplaces and yes, even our churches. Why are so few people attending church? Why are Christians discouraged? Is this not the work of satan himself?

We all face 'storms' in our lives. Everyone of us has problems that we face whether its panic attacks, financial, family, health, school, death of a loved one, and the list goes on... I am learning as I I have been dealing with my own 'storms' over the past few years that the key to staying strong even in the storms is to keep my eyes on Jesus. Yes, just like a windy day blows me about physically, the storms of life have blown me about and continue to blow me about mentally and emotionally. But spiritually no matter the storm, I know that I know the Master of the Wind - Jesus. And I know that no matter the storm no matter how severe it may be He holds my life in His hands.

So as you face the winds of doubt, dispear, loneliness, pain, etc in your life I pray that you too will remember that Jesus is the Master of the Wind. He doesn't always make the storm go away but I know from experience in my own life that He helps and provides the strength to get through the storm.

One of the greatest struggles and challenges I have had to deal with during the last few years has been panic and anxiety attacks. The attacks were originally caused by a traumatic experience in my life which led to PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. For any one who has had or experiences panic attacks you know how terrifying they are! You feel like you can't breath, like you are going to pass out, like you are loosing control, your heart races, you fear its a heart attack, your palms get sweaty and no matter what you do for those minutes you can not calm down. All of the breathing techniques and tips and articles that you have read seem meaningless when you are in the midst of an attack. Panic attacks can last from a couple minutes to 30 minutes but the effects of the attack are felt for a long time.

The strange thing about panic attacks and what often makes it hard for people who have never had them to understand is that the attacks seldom happen when you are in the frightening situation. The attacks occur mostly when you are simply walking down the road enjoying a nice sunny day, in a mall or grocery store, at the post office, in the car, sitting at your desk at work, or at home. Basically from what I have read and understanabout attacks and why they happen during 'non-stressful' times is that it is like the brain malfunctions in that it is always on alert and its almost to me like a faulty switch in that it triggers a sense of panic and fear when really there is no fear around you at that time. When you brain begins to function in this way it is a very difficult process to get it to stop. Basically the brain has to be reprogrammed again to not have that heightened sense of fear that triggers the attacks. This is not a simple process and for many people the attacks never completely go away. Its something you learn to control and manage with techniques and tips. But it is a daily battle.

Today as I was reflecting on the past few years and my continuing battle with panic and anxiety attacks I found myself reflecting on the many times when the Lord 'carried' me. I thought of the verse which says 'the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night' - Psalm 121:6. I don't really know why that verse stood out to me today but I know that the Lord used that verse today to remind me that whether I am awake or asleep he is always with me. I was reminded of the many times when I truly felt like I could not possibly make one more step, when the attacks were so bad that I was left in frustration and tears. The Lord was with me. His hand held me fast. In the midst of my pain, my struggles, and my fears He has been there every moment. I can honestly say I do not know how I would have made it through the past years without His continued presence in my life.

I continue to pray for healing that the Lord will heal me of these panic attacks and remove this fear and anxiety from me. But until He heals me I have the assurance of knowing that I am not alone, that He is with me, and that no matter the struggle I face He is right there giving me the strength to get through it.